HOLTSVILLE - John Silva, 39, has been going to the movies alone for his entire adult life. Silva usually goes to the Island 16 Cinema De Lux to see action and comedy films, but this week he went to see Epic.
"It sounded good" said Silva, "and I had already seen everything else that was playing, so I bought the ticket."
Silva entered the theater with his large bucket of popcorn and extra large root beer and began to search for a seat. That proved difficult, however, because it was a noon showing on a Saturday and the theater was filled with excited children and their zoned-out parents.
Silva, an out-of-work former Blockbuster Video employee, said, "I wasn't thinking. I didn't realize it was the weekend."
He eventually found a seat one row back from the front, between two groups of girls whose parents were sitting in the row behind them. Silva admits that he was nervous when the lights went down, but tried to remain calm and watch the film. Things were going fine until one of the girls sitting next to him fell asleep on his shoulder.
"That's when I got up," said Silva, "but I didn't want to miss the rest of the movie, so I stood by the exit."
In the remaining half-hour of the feature, several theater employees asked to see Silva's ticket, stating that some of the parents had complained, saying that he looked suspicious.
"They said it was because I was wearing dark glasses," said Silva, "but the movie was in 3D; everyone was wearing them."
D.Q.
LOCAL ARTIST EXCITED
Contrary to the reality that Long Island has never been a hotbed for anything creative, Smithtown artist Jarett McDougal is super excited that he’s on the cusp of creating a real ‘Long Island scene” for whatever the fuck it is he’s working on. Painfully oblivious to the Islands’ close proximity to an actual cultural Mecca – NYC – Jarett is convinced that his stupid ass shit is original and interesting.
“My art attempts to express my intense sarcasm, as well as my belief that life is a heroic journey”, the retarded artist claimed, as a vast army of lawn mowers rumbled across his parents one acre of property.
“My 2 biggest influences are Lady Gaga and Charles Bukowski”, added Jarett, apparently not understanding the utter absurdity of mentioning these people in one sentence.
J.V.
A Column for the Arts with Sarah Azzara
DRAMA-O-RAMA: This week, Arts Smarts is on the Theatre Beat (When you hang out in The Theatre, you get to spell it all British-y).
LOCAL STAGE HAND DROPS BENCH ON FOOT
Lulu De Fontaine, 28, dropped a 15 pound bench on her left foot during Wednesday’s performance of Opium Sluts of Yaphank at the Mineola Lions Club. “It’s more awkward than it is heavy,” confessed De Fontaine. Although no bones were broken, De Fontaine did sustain an unusually colorful bruise and a bit of a scratch. “It hurts,” she said.
THIS JUST IN: DIRECTORS, REALLY BOSSY
I’ve watched a bunch of rehearsals around town by appropriating some coveralls and carrying a mop – it’s not as good as seeing a real performance, but I’ve saved enough money to buy my own coveralls (The mop is from home). I saw actors up there doing their jobs, and Director Stephen Hamilton would stop them, have them talk differently, tell them where to stand, and even tell them to do the whole scene again after they had just done it a million times! Then he gave himself top billing. Jeez, Steve. Power trip much?
INVITED DRESS REHEARSAL OF CRIPPLE OF INISHMAAN GOES TERRIBLY WRONG
After several missed cues and fumbled scenery changes, the non-paying audience rebelled by pegging the entire cast and crew with eggs. Assistant Director Dominick DeGaetano commented, “The real eggs were kind of messy and gross, but the wooden ones really stung!”
FAMOUS ACTORS COMING TO THE HAMPTONS
After a long, lonesome winter, the Hamptons will once again be thronging with fabulous movie stars and the wealthy people who love them. It’s not just Richard Gere, Alan Alda, and Alec Baldwin, either. Practically every New York-based superstar keeps a mansion empty nine months a year out here in the East End. For the best star gazing, get yourself a job at Nick and Tony’s or Elie Tahari in East Hampton. You can get paid $8.25 an hour and be treated poorly by the rich and famous alike.
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