AMAGANSETT – Speaking under the condition of anonymity from his gated home, an NSA agent plans to self-publish his discoveries in the light of the recent scandal.
“I feel so much more connected to the human race now,” he said. “I’ve learned the beauty of the mundane.”
The agent said he now understands how to plan a dream wedding on Pinterest, where to stream Game of Thrones, and what #YOLO is all about. Once or twice, he added, he nearly jumped in when citizens complained about Facebook security settings. “Nobody’s safe. Ever,” he said. “Your employer may not see your frat house reunion photos, but I will. Also, you’re drinking like an amateur. Take it easy.”
He went on to call his surveillance experience “rewarding,” adding, “There were times when I would literally fall asleep on the job just listening to teens argue over what long silences between texts really mean. It was like ambient noise.”
For more information on the impending book release, or to submit your own disclosures, use the Twitter hashtag #ShitNSAFinds.
D.M.G.
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